Mid-June through September was spent battling mono (yes, you can still get mono as an adult…who knew?!? And for those wondering, No–I didn’t get it by smooching on anyone, but my children perhaps). I haven’t felt so exhausted since I was pregnant and creating a child inside me! No, scratch that. I’ve never felt so exhausted before in my life…and wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I have a lot of respect for people with chronic fatigue now. Even though I had mono, similar to dealing with grief, life doesn’t slow down or stop just because you’re going through a crisis. With God’s grace and mercy (and plenty of rest) I struggled through (and with the help and encouragement of many family and friends! Love you!).

July was an exciting month filled with the first, of prayerfully many, mission trips. I was privileged to go to Jamaica with our teen ministry to help the Jamaican teens learn how to run a Swamp-like camp. I learned so many lessons from all those teenagers…like how to love a complete stranger without judgment or prejudice. We learned how to survive on rice, beans and fish for a week (I was in heaven…those that know me will understand). I saw teenagers hearts being challenged and called higher…and I remembered just how difficult it was to be a teenager. I have so much respect for the teens that fight to lead a righteous life in Christ. I am proud to say that many teens in both Georgia and Jamaica have been baptized as a result of the love we shared over one week. One week…one conversation…one smile can change a life. Never underestimate how God can use you.

School started back up and my baby (ah!) started kindergarten. It was another bittersweet day. I’m so excited to be at the same school as Angelina, but as I dressed her that morning, packed her lunch, put her new bookbag on her back, and walked her into school, I couldn’t help but feel a little cheated…for her and for myself. Most other students had their mother AND fathers walking them in, and Angelina was stuck with just me. No Daddy Spencer. We said a special prayer that morning and I know he was a proud daddy up in heaven.

It’s been 16 months since Spencer has been gone. It’s easier now…the kids and I talk about him fondly and candidly. I fear that they will continue to remember less and less, mainly because of their young age. It will be up to me (and friends and family) to keep his memory alive. Thank goodness for my thousands of pictures and videos! I am moving forward–spiritually, emotionally, and even in my grief. As I reached out to widows and widowers, I met an incredible man of God. Through much prayer, conversations, laughing and sharing of life stories we have bonded in way that I could have never imagined. We share a similar story of grief and single parenthood…and a deep understanding of each other. God is so good and I’m looking forward to what the future holds!

I suppose the main reason I’ve been blogged out, is because I’m fighting some strange illness. I’ve been SUPER fatigued and have really low blood pressure (85/50) along with a myriad of other symptoms. Please pray for me. I’m going back to the doctor tomorrow. My guess is that it’s hypothyroidism. I just want to feel normal!!!

For today though, I’ll leave you with an amazing maternity session I did a couple weeks past. This couple is expecting there first baby very soon! Little Carter should be here in less than a month! We met on North Campus–a special place to them as they are both UGA graduates! Go Dawgs! Talk about a small world too…her husband, Jeff and I, figured out that we were in the EXACT same major (Sports Med/Athletic Training) and graduated the same year. We weren’t cronies or anything, but we were definitely familiar to each other! Small, small world.

Here are some pictures of the morning.

Friends,
After J-Ru came over and “fixed” a desktop computer I had been given, I started poking around on it. Spencer had uploaded this video journal to it. It’s long (58 min). I watched it last night. It was the first time I’d really watched Spencer on video since he died. It made me miss him terribly…all his little Spencer-isms (rubbing his hands over his faith, his chuckle, his concern for us, his amazing love for God).

It made me sad…especially because he/we were so faithful that he would be healed. I was tempted last night to feel like he lost the battle and his extreme faith was all for not because in the end he died…and then I remembered that that same faith that he’s speaking about is the exact thing that helped him WIN. He never gave up his faith in God and glorified God with his life. Spencer did in fact win the battle. God saved his life. He was healed.

Some of my favorite lines:
13:30 “I was stressed out with life, my grad school program…and I felt like I couldn’t handle it anymore…and I felt like God was pushing me to my max right now–and this was prior to any of THIS…and I just thought, I’m so ungrateful…maybe this is what God’s trying to teach me…and God says ‘You think you can’t handle anymore. Well, you’re about to handle some more…and I’m going to pull you through it and teach you to be grateful for the life that you have…and you need to stop complaining about the little stupid things in life.’ We all do it…and we need to just sit back and be so thankful to God for the life that we have.”

49:25 “And that’s the way I feel. I’ve got no fear. There’s nothing my God can’t do. There’s nothing I can’t face. There’s nothing my family can’t face…because I’m a Christian…because I have God on my side. Get behind me Satan…you keep trying to attack me, keep trying to make me think faithless thoughts, but it ain’t happenin’ cause I got no fear.”

Love you all. Thanks for loving Spencer…and me.

Spencer’s Video Journal from brianne whitworth on Vimeo.

Here is the second or third video journal Spencer created before his 2nd brain surgery on 11/26/08. I admire his unfailing faith and trust in God. There is a lesson in here for all of us.

You are forever loved and missed.

Spencer Whitworth

4.27.79 – 7.16.09

So this week…drumroll please….I’m super duper fantabulously excitedly grateful for:

1. E-MEALZ.com

I can’t quite recall the last time I was this excited about something so silly…and yet so profound (oh wait, except for item 2). I discovered e-mealz.com a couple weeks ago, but never put it to the test. I had SO MUCH FUN COOKING this week! Seriously, can you believe I just said that? I’m astonished as well. I cooked: maple pork chops, blue cheese buttered roast, french dip sandwiches, beefy black bean rice, cashew chicken salad. Some firsts for me: I actually cooked chicken with the bone-in (I have strange meat/poultry phobias). I cooked a roast for the first time. I fed my children pork chops for the first time (again, Spence and I didn’t eat much meat/pork).

E-mealz basically plans all your meals for the week, hooks you up with a snazzy meal plan with instructions included and then in a separate document sends you a grocery list with things on sale!!! HOLLA!! I danced a little jig (you can’t see me so I decided to tell you). It’s like my secret handbook to be a stepford wife or something. My little cheat sheet. My cliff’s notes on all things cooking/meal planning.

And the most fabulous thing is…it’s only $5 a month! That is like taking candy from a baby for me!!! Please, if you struggle with planning meals that are creative and get you excited about cooking, then check them out. Tell them I sent you…maybe they’ll hook a sista up.

2. My SPECIAL Racetrac cup

I don’t know about you, but I have this thing called a vehicle that I have to fill up with gas every so often (ok, for me, it’s like every 3 days because I’m on the go so much…but whatev). Why not fill up for gas at a place that gives you FREE slushies every time you walk in! Now, to be fair I had to spend $6.99 for a special cup…but I get free refills all summer! I know I LOVE some slushies in this hot, humid, sweatilicous GA summer time. I seriously stop every day for a slushie. Must remind myself to work out more often from consuming all that sugar. If you’re a slushie lova like me…go get you a special cup. Seriously. Genius marketing ploy….yummm…..sluuuuuuuuuuuushies.

As always I’m grateful for my family, friends and children this week. Angelina had cheerleading camp Mon-Wed. She is SUCH a cheerleader…oh boy, what am I in for?!? I was so NOT a cheerleader. She also learned to swim today at the request of Angela B. I’ve tried for years, but noooooooo, she didn’t want anything to do with me teaching her. Go figure. I realized some incredibly challenging stuff about myself this week too–my views on life and business. I am vowing to change some things. I don’t want to become a “maybe later” parent (read this article). I don’t think I am one, but I know I could become one…if I didn’t stay in check. I also went to an amazing single’s bible study where my mind was blown about what a covenant is, more specifically God’s blood covenant…truly amazing lesson.

That’s it for today. I would leave you with a picture of some of the food I cooked…but alas, I’m too tired to upload them now…so here’s a recent picture of one of the cutest wee ones ever.

Prices and packages will be changing too. My business will very soon be focused on weddings and seniors (both the school-aged and the more seasoned). I will still shoot families.

I’ve asked many of you for ideas of how to give back and use my talents for God and you’ve given me some great suggestions. Although this is my business, it’s also my passion. I don’t want to be all about money. Sure I have to make money to pay the bills and I can’t just give my time, talent, and service away all the time, but I thought it would make me so happy to “donate” a portrait/event/family session every month to someone deserving. It was so hard emotionally to photograph Jon’s Celebration (aka Memorial Service), but I feel so honored to have documented a time in that families life that they will never forget. I want to do more of this…

This summer I’ll be headed to Jamaica, despite the turmoil, to help start a youth summer camp. You know my camera will be documenting every moment! I’m not sure exactly what I’ll do with the images, but I’d still love to give back in some way…ideas welcome.

Regardless, thank you everyone for your love and support. Thank you for encouraging me to let my light shine. To God be all the glory.

Here’s my new look…thanks to Phil at viiieast.

This past week one of my newest and dearest friends lost her husband to neuroendocrine carcinoma–a fancy type of cancer that ravaged his body and robbed him of life for the past two years. Although I didn’t know Jon before he was sick, I knew he was a great father to his three children and loved his family with his whole heart. As I sat next to his bedside with Hope and some other close friends and family members, watching and listening to Jon struggle to breathe, I couldn’t help but wonder why in my short 30 years, I’ve been witness to so many deaths. Literally. I have to believe that there is a higher purpose for this all. If you have any insights, please share…because sometimes I wonder how much more I can endure.

I could go on and on about his wife Hope–her strength, perseverance, faith and her similar philosophy to enjoy life and make the most of it. This family was no stranger to tragedy–their daughter lost the use of her legs at 3 years old in a tragic car accident. Hope is now a widowed mother of three…with one in a wheelchair. Please keep her in your prayers and she continues this journey.

I’m always amazed at how NOT easy life is, but ever grateful that God has always promised that if we rely on him we can pull through. He never promised that life would be easy and simple. In fact, quite the opposite. Psalm 34:19 A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. John 16:33“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

To preserve memories for her children, I took pictures at his Life Celebration Ceremony…(none of us like the f-word). You can see the mixture of pain and joy on people’s faces. It’s so hard to lose someone in this life but at services like this we can rejoice knowing they are now in a better place than even we are. I’m reminded to keep enjoying this life–to rejoice in my sufferings–and most importantly to look forward to the life after this one.

Jon you were loved by many and will be missed by many. My heart aches and rejoices with you, Hope. I love you. God will provide…and so will I

I’ve been eagerly anticipating this event for quite a while now! I’ve had my outfit planned out…remember Xena, the Warrior Princess? Yeah, that was me last weekend…I even cut bangs! How twisted am I? Cindy dressed up as “Wilhelmina Wallace”–even donning a kilt and blue face paint. We had our warrior cries worked out–me screaming “alalalalallalal” and she yelling “freeeeeeeedoooooommm”. You seriously can’t get any cornier than this!

Me, the kids and a couple friends and I made the drive up to North Georgia, Mountain City, to be exact. My bff Meg traveled along with us, and even got the hook up on a cabin (Thank Ken!). Meg graciously volunteered to help watch our children while we raced. Next year, she’ll be one of us though.

The drive up was fairly uneventful until we arrived at “Goats on the Roof”. Yes, in fact, there is a tourist attraction called that…and yes, there are goats living on the roof. I must say, it was a pretty cool and fascinating place. These goats have it made–they even have a pimped out goat hotel and little hanging bridges to travel from roof to roof. We bought goat food and worked all sorts of contraptions to get the food up to the goats–whether by using pulleys or riding a bike to work a conveyor belt. Cindy also found a disgusting jelly bean “game” to play…you must go buy this. It’s hilarious. I made my child eat a barf-flavored jelly bean. No lie.

Ok, I digressed. Back to the race. After putting the final touches on our costumes in the morning, driving on this long, windy dirt road that literally took us over a mountain, we arrived at our destination. While walking down the streets of Mountain City, Cindy and I realized that we might be the only two dressed up. “Surely not…”, we thought, slightly mortified. Well, thankfully, after walking in we realized that compared to some, our outfits were pretty tame. There were men wearing little league outfits that were skin tight (ewwww!), a couple rednecks in plaid shirts and tight jorts (jean shorts), men dressed up as the dudes from the movie 300 (my personal favs!), women dressed up as super heroes, and even a couple people wearing nearly nothing but their birthday suits.

Our race time was 1 pm. At 12:40 we lined up, awaiting our warrior fate. The race started with a blast from two fire torch thingys. It started with a run, but very quickly turned into the obstacle course we knew it would be. There was the plank we walked to cross the lake, then we had to trudge through the water/sludge to get to the other side. After getting on dry land, we ran through tires (think football drill), then jumped over 3 walls (think army). Some more running/forrest bush-whacking. We quickly arrived at a cargo-rope wall that you had to climb up and then back down (at least 30 feet high). After climbing up a rope wall, we had to crawl through a long black tube and then maneuver through at least 10 junkyard cars (climb through/over/in between them). Some more trail running through the woods was followed by a disgusting mud-slide downhill and worst of all, we had to army crawl in the mud/slime under barbed wire. After that, we were back in the lake trying to get over these huge logs that were floating. Back up on small slope, and then we ran to the finish….which was preceded by two walls (ok, they just felt that high) of fire that we had to jump over!

I’ve added some pictures of my own, but if you want to see official race pictures, click here!

Think you can hang? Are you a warrior too? I want to hear some warrior-isque stories!

I unwrapped myself from my children at 5 am and snuck out to the car to drive to the airport. The conference was in Newport Beach, California, near Los Angeles. I flew out two days early to spend time with family and friends (I’ll blog on this later!). Escalate Live was attended by photographers from across the country as well as thousands of people online who watched it live.

I had the honor of personally meeting and speaking with Jasmine Star, Jessica Claire, Dane Sanders, Jerry Ghionis, Becker, David Jay, Jeremy Cowart, and Julianne Kost.

More than anything, what I took from the conference (besides aspiring to be amazingly talented and take beautiful pictures) is to be FOR each other as photographers. Sort of a “pay it forward” mentality…or in Becker’s words “A rising tide raises all ships”. Or at least I think he said that.

I want to build relationships–no, friendships–with other photographers. I want to help photographers others succeed. I want to learn from them. I want to help my client’s let their light shine. I want to give back. I was so impressed by how all these photographers in their own way, continually give back–to other photographers, to their communities, to those in need. Reminds me of Phil. 2: ³Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

The question I keep turning over and over in my mind and one which I haven’t quite figured out is: I am passionate about my faith in God…how do I combine this with my passion for photography? I have some ideas, but would love to hear yours too, if you have any. Feel free to comment!

Let it shine!

me and J*

Today, specifically, I’m thankful for the gift of music, in all it’s glorious forms. From pop to country, to rap and hip-hop, to classical and religious. I love it all. Especially when I know the words and can sing off-key.

I’m also thankful for my crazy friends making the trip with me to the Warrior Dash, where I will be dressed up as a modern-day rendition of Xena the Warrior Princess! “Ahahahhahhahhahahahhaha”. That was my Xena yell, fyi.

Saturday morning I’m flying out to California for a photography conference called Escalate! Not only am I totally stoked (yes, stoked…haha) that I’m going to be listening to and sitting at the feet of some of my photog idols like Jessica Claire and Jasmine Star (holla!), but I’m going to see family and friends that I haven’t seen in ages!

If you didn’t know, I’m originally from SoCal (that’s Southern California for you old folks). Although I don’t have any adult relatives left really, I’m going to visit my cousins whom I haven’t seen since my grandmother passed away. I’m also getting to visit and old and dear friend from when I went back to Cali for college!

I’m so grateful for reunions. I don’t think I’ll ever pass up the opportunity to reconnect with someone anymore…life is just too short to let some opportunities pass you by!

*I thought I’d also copy an email that I received from my mama. It’s kinda hoakie, but if the statistics are correct (no, I didn’t verify them), then it’s pretty amazing. I have so much to be thankful for…