Sometimes when life gets a little crazy, you remember the important stuff, instead of the somewhat trivial. You remember that even though every cell in your body desires to be served by someone else, you are called to serve God and others first. You remember that even though you have mono, you still have to make (or buy) your children dinner…and smile (and pray) when you sit down at the table to eat. When life gets busy you remember that your friends still need to know that you love them…and that you need them in return. Sometimes all it takes is a phone call to encourage…or a phone call to cry out for help. When life gets exciting you remember that God is in control of all the blessings…and he is always listening, always watching, always providing exactly what you need.
Mid-June through September was spent battling mono (yes, you can still get mono as an adult…who knew?!? And for those wondering, No–I didn’t get it by smooching on anyone, but my children perhaps). I haven’t felt so exhausted since I was pregnant and creating a child inside me! No, scratch that. I’ve never felt so exhausted before in my life…and wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I have a lot of respect for people with chronic fatigue now. Even though I had mono, similar to dealing with grief, life doesn’t slow down or stop just because you’re going through a crisis. With God’s grace and mercy (and plenty of rest) I struggled through (and with the help and encouragement of many family and friends! Love you!).
July was an exciting month filled with the first, of prayerfully many, mission trips. I was privileged to go to Jamaica with our teen ministry to help the Jamaican teens learn how to run a Swamp-like camp. I learned so many lessons from all those teenagers…like how to love a complete stranger without judgment or prejudice. We learned how to survive on rice, beans and fish for a week (I was in heaven…those that know me will understand). I saw teenagers hearts being challenged and called higher…and I remembered just how difficult it was to be a teenager. I have so much respect for the teens that fight to lead a righteous life in Christ. I am proud to say that many teens in both Georgia and Jamaica have been baptized as a result of the love we shared over one week. One week…one conversation…one smile can change a life. Never underestimate how God can use you.
School started back up and my baby (ah!) started kindergarten. It was another bittersweet day. I’m so excited to be at the same school as Angelina, but as I dressed her that morning, packed her lunch, put her new bookbag on her back, and walked her into school, I couldn’t help but feel a little cheated…for her and for myself. Most other students had their mother AND fathers walking them in, and Angelina was stuck with just me. No Daddy Spencer. We said a special prayer that morning and I know he was a proud daddy up in heaven.
It’s been 16 months since Spencer has been gone. It’s easier now…the kids and I talk about him fondly and candidly. I fear that they will continue to remember less and less, mainly because of their young age. It will be up to me (and friends and family) to keep his memory alive. Thank goodness for my thousands of pictures and videos! I am moving forward–spiritually, emotionally, and even in my grief. As I reached out to widows and widowers, I met an incredible man of God. Through much prayer, conversations, laughing and sharing of life stories we have bonded in way that I could have never imagined. We share a similar story of grief and single parenthood…and a deep understanding of each other. God is so good and I’m looking forward to what the future holds!
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