So this weekend one of my best friend’s moved. Sure, it seems pretty innocent, but you have to understand the role this couple, rather this family, has played in my life. First off, they lived across the street…literally. They have been my “surrogate husband”, so to speak, for the last year. Besides taking at least one of my children to school every day for me, they’ve made me meals, she’s cleaned my house, helped me pack up Spencer’s stuff, watched my children WHENEVER I’ve needed them to (even when they’ve had the stomach virus and she caught it…that’s a friend!).
I posted last week that I’ve been kinda emotional…well this is one of the biggest reasons. Not only am I sad (obvi), but I’m scared. Not that I don’t have awesome friends and neighbors still nearby (CP, SS, AR)…but still. I’m scared I won’t be able to do it all, scared of what might happen to our friendship, scared that I won’t exercise (she was one of my duathlon buds). Just plain fearful…
And then, I got to move her stuff into her new house and a whole new emotion began to creep in…ENVY. Yuck. I mean, really?!? Ok, it didn’t last long and I’ll tell you why. I affectionately call her new house the mansion–it is beautiful and amazing and they got a fabulous deal! After leaving her house on Saturday to head to a photo shoot, I got in my car and just started crying… Not that I’m not happy for her…I AM! (I mean, really, it’s like my house…srsly…I’ve already eaten there!). This cry was the “This was supposed to be MY future” kinda cry. Just sad for how it’s all turned out. But I realized that God never promised me this–I had promised myself it. He is still faithful. He’s still taken care of me. Always.
It’s so easy to get focused on what this world has to offer. Even in my photography business, it’s so tempting to want to be the BIGGEST and the BEST. To have the most fans, the most clients, make the most money, get the most accolades, have the most blog-stalkers, etc. GROSS. I feel disgusting even admitting that.
After the crying episode, however, I had one of those spiritual epiphanies. What I thought about was what kind of impact do I want to make? Do I want to be known as the biggest and best photographer…Do I want to make lots of money and be popular and famous…Do I want to have the biggest and best house/clothes/car/job??? NO. I want MORE….haha. Now you’re probably thinking “This girl is REALLY GREEDY!!!”
Wait for it…I want more than THIS WORLD HAS TO OFFER. (ps–that’s a song lyric…google it).
What I want to be known for is my FAITH. For sharing this faith, this light, with others. I don’t care if I’m the best photographer out there…or if I get the most clients booked this year…shoot the most weddings…have the best equipment…make the most money. Sure, those would all be perks (I ain’t gonna lie).
My God has taken me over mountaintops and through some dark valleys, yet I’m here, I’m smiling (most of the time), and I’m living life to the full. Can you say the same?
I want you to know me…know my faith…be inspired by God’s amazing glory…his amazing gifts…his amazing grace.
If I accomplish that…if I leave you one iota more refreshed, inspired, faithful, encouraged, joyful…well, then…I’ve done my job. And if you share that with others…woo hoo. Then we’re on a roll. Doing God’s work.
I hope you want more too… Shine on.
One of my best friend’s took these while we were visiting Spencer. It’s his bench. You’ll notice our four bulbs that I planted on our anniversary 9.21.09. They’re finally growing. a-mazing.
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